Slowly not progressing, just waiting for Blaine

Had my cervix checked this week (which was a lot more uncomfortable than I was anticipating, they really get up in there) and the doctor said that I am dilated to a..... 0. That's right, haven't opened up at all yet. He wasn't surprised since Blaine's head isn't really engaged into my pelvis. He's still just kind of floating so he's not putting any pressure down there to get things started. I know that you can be a 0 and then start labor the next day, but it's still hard not to interpret the news as "Blaine will be a while, so don't get excited." I just know I'm going to go over my due date. I was reading my grandma Arnett's memoirs and she was always over her due date several weeks so I feel like I'll be the same. She also gave birth like a champ so I hope I inherit that from her too. Though she did have a fast and unexpected home birth, which I hope to avoid.

I have been feeling a lot of anxiety the last few days about being a parent, giving birth, and quitting my job. My whole purpose of life is about to change and it's already a foreign and difficult adjustment. I'm worried about being lonely and bored, feeling like I don't have a huge drive or goals. I am trying to think of a list of hobbies, but they're all so expensive. It'll also be weird not having my income as spending money. I want Diedre back. She would take care of me and we'd work on little projects together while she would teach me to be a good mom.

I'm excited for next week. Kathleen and Abigail are coming! It's also the company Halloween party. Everyone at work isn't so sure about me running through a straw maze and venturing through a haunted house, but I say I'm up for it even if it kills me! I need some excitement. Plus, I won't get to see everyone at work as often once I squeeze Blaine out. They're my best friends and quitting work is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done.